If you’re like me and most other men, you are prone to get stressed about the little things.
By nature, men tend to worry, argue and fret about things that really don’t matter in the scheme of it all. For many of us, that includes things that pertain to the bedroom. In fact, experts estimate that the majority of sexual problems for men — especially younger men – are psychological.
Meaning, our sexual problems often occur because we are thinking about doomsday bedroom scenarios too much.
I recently had a man contact me about a minor mishap with premature ejaculation that turned into a full-blow problem. It started with a one-time occurrence that led to him constantly worrying about it happening again. Sure enough, it did. Then again. And again.
He’s not alone. I’ve had dozens of men contact me with similar problems. What’s more, I could relate. In the past, I often worried about several different things going wrong with my penis. My negative focus often caused my worst fears to come true. It’s a common occurrence for men, I presume.
After all, in many ways, every time we enter the bedroom we’re asked to perform. Our most prized organs are placed under the microscope. Women, on the other hand, generally don’t have to worry about their genitalia stopping a good night of fun. If something goes wrong, our side of the fence is usually to blame.
But that doesn’t mean we should let the stress get to us . . .
Be Logical
I’m logical by nature. With virtually everything in my life, after I think about something for a while, logic usually wins out.
Eventually, I stopped and realized the underlining issue with most of my sexual failures. Like most men, it came down to a fear of not performing. Logic led me to ask myself the question I always ask when I face a fear: What’s the worst that can happen if my biggest fears come true? In short, “so what?”
The answer I came to is simple: Stop caring.
“So What?”
It’s not that you shouldn’t care about pleasing the one you’re with, it’s that you should stop worrying. Because, when you stop and think about it, it’s really no big deal. And you know that.
If you’re with a partner that you love and deeply care about - whether it be a wife or a long-term relationship - so what if you ejaculate too soon on more than one occasion? If the person loves you back, they’ll still be there in the morning (often ready to try again).
If you’re on a one night stand with a person you’ll most likely never see again - so what if you can’t get an erection? Please them in another way and then be on yours.
If you’re seeing a person that falls somewhere in between a one-nighter and a person you love, yet they aren’t understanding of a less-than average penis size - so what? People who aren’t understanding aren’t worth your time.
There are soon to be 7 billion people on the planet. It’s easy to find another one who is understanding. And who is much better for your psyche (not to mention much more fun).
Sit Back and Enjoy
You can’t be ashamed, nervous or constantly worrying about how you’ll perform. As sexologist Barbara Keesling, author of How to Make Love All Night says:
“When you’re scared, your penis shows it. When you’re excited, you’re penis shows it. When you’re depressed, your penis knows it, and it behaves accordingly.”
Give your penis the feeling it really wants, and what your partner really wants. Forget the fear. Be excited. Be turned on. Be happy. Your penis will be too.
Sex should be fun, enjoyable and pleasurable. A break from the real world. So forget your worries and please yourself.
Think about having fun. Think about what a great time you’re having. And if you start worrying about releasing your seed to soon or your erection turning sour, think “So what? What’s the worst that can happen?”
Just some thoughts. What do you guys think? Why do you think we men tend to fret so much?
1 Comments until now.
I have to agree with your zen mentality on the situation of the bedroom. When I was a freshman in HS, my history teacher gave a lecture about the importance of not worrying about situations. He said that caring for the situation always mattered but that worrying will never help. Ever since then I have faced as many situations as I can with a positive attitude and worry-free nature. Even if something does go wrong what’s the worst that will happen? Learn from whatever happens and move forward.
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